Unlearning Fear: How to Get Rid of Birth Fears Before You Conceive

Let’s have a real moment real quick.

When you think about giving birth… what comes up? Not the perfectly edited birth vlog, but deep down. Do you see yourself screaming in pain? Nurses rushing? Somebody telling you what’s about to happen to your body… without asking?

Is it a dream or a nightmare??

If your stomach tightens just a little at the thought of you giving birth, that’s not out of nowhere.
Most of us Black women have been walking around carrying fear we didn’t even ask for.
Fear that was passed down.
Fear we saw on TV.
Fear that got planted in us long before we even thought about motherhood.

But here’s what I had to realize and what I want you to know now: You don’t HAVE TO carry that fear into your future. Not into pregnancy, birth, or motherhood. You get to lay it down and establish a new narrative.

We’ve Been Programmed

As a labor nurse, the part that gets me the most: We have all been “educated” about birth without even realizing it. It’s your cousin’s traumatic hospital story. It’s the movie scenes where birth looks like a death sentence. It’s your grandma saying “don’t take the epidural, we need you to survive.”

We’ve been collecting all of that subconsciously and it builds within us, layer after layer, a belief in our hearts about this thing called birth. But have we ever stopped to say “nah, this won’t be my story!”?

Fear Lives in the Body; Not Just the Mind

So the funny thing about fear, it isn’t just a mental thing. It infiltrates our body – our muscles and nervous system remember and respond accordingly. So when I say addressing and healing from the fear of birth should start before you’re pregnant, I absolutely mean it. Because the reality is that life doesn’t pause for us when we get that positive pregnancy test. Life keeps going and while it feels slow at some points, 9 months will zoom by and make you wonder if you have time and space to process your true feelings about what is in your very near future! 

You Can Unlearn What You Never Chose

If you feel fed up with the crippling fear that keeps you from feeling joy about the thought of motherhood in your future, here’s the first step to freedom: address it head on! The process is simple, but not always easy, yet the results are life-altering and generation shifting. 

1. What’s the Story You’ve Been Holding?
   • Take some time to sit and actually look within yourself. Where’d your beliefs about birth really come from? Whether it’s family stories, the media’s imagery, or the lack of understanding that makes your body tense up – bring it to the surface and name it!
2. Ask God to Show You the Roots
   • Take it to your Father and say a bold prayer, “God, reveal the root of my fear and what I have been carrying that isn’t mine. Reveal the truth to that fear so that I can agree with You.” God sees and knows us, He has the key to unlock those thoughts deep within
3. Get Truth in Your Ears
   • As you get the revelations, you gotta follow the pathway to what is true! Not everyone has had a traumatic experience, so where can you hear and see uplifting and beautiful stories of women enduring and overcoming the process of birth with joy?!
4.  Let Go of What Was Never Yours
   • Sometimes, we get comfortable in our fear, especially when it’s been there for so long. But once you start the process of healing, there’s no more room for that old stagnant place of ignorance and fear! It doesn’t mean letting go of everything you know either… You can honor your auntie’s pain without claiming it… You can grieve your own trauma and still move forward. Whether it’s therapy, journaling, prayer – start releasing. There’s no room to carry all that into your next season.

Preparing Your Heart Is Just As Important As Preparing Your Body

As your big sister and your future birth coach, let me say this real plain: You deserve to walk into pregnancy unbothered. Not perfect. Not knowing everything. But centered. Rooted. Covered in peace.

This fear that you’ve been accustomed to? It doesn’t belong to you. You don’t owe trauma anything. And your future child deserves a mom who was able to face her fears before the journey even began.

Ready to Start? I Got You.

I created something to help you walk this thing out:

📖 My Free 7-Day TTC Prayer Journal
This is more than just trying to conceive, it’s about preparing your spirit… your whole self.
Let’s address the fear, build your faith, and start becoming the future mom you know you’re called to be.

Download it here or DM me the word “READY” on Instagram @confidentcarebirthco and I’ll send it straight to you.

You don’t have to figure it all out.
You just have to begin.
Let’s do it together.